Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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