he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize