my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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