This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
