How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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