Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
