Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
