All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Duck Duck Cougar?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
