i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
