Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
