Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
