My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
