Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
