Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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