I'm going to jail i love you
I could make wine with my vomit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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