no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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