He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
