I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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