The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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