My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
