Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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