At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
