youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
