shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize