I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have post one night stand depression
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
