Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
