you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
