It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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