I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
