then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
