just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize