This is not my ceiling
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
