Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
