He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
