Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
