what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
