So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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