matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
