I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
