I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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