if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
