I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
