did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
