Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
