i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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