Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
