my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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