Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you win again, gameday.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
