I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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