I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
