We won't sleep together?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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