oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
