I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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