I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
