Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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