bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
