What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
