i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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