walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
