Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize