just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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