Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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