i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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