Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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