yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
