I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize