I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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