Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
