Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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