dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
