My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
