Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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