i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
