He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
