Kiss
Puke
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
