I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love accidental penises.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
