I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
