woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
