it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
