Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
