ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
