You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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