Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently you make a good broom.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
