Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
