are you still at the devil's house?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
