I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
