My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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