That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do vagina's smell?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
