So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
