"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize