Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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