Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
be right there i have to get my cape
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
