you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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