i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
