He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
