He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
