All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
