On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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