All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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