You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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