I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
