i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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